Smellymellyflipflop

This apartment is Spider Hell.  Well, more like hell for me and heaven for them.  That is, of course, until I spy them and either unceremoniously chuck them outside with much flapping (more on that later) or spray them with this rather stinking insect killer and, well, to be blunt, kill them.  I hate killing them though, it seems so mean.  It’s not their fault they chose the wrong place to live is it?  The other day I came home to a giant one on the floor.  By my feet.  I did manage to put a glass over it (in this instance, had I of sprayed it, it would have run VERY FAST with its GIANT LEGS).  So anyway, I had it trapped under the glass for a while before realising that I would actually have to do something with it.  The day before I had actually dragged a chum home from work to deposit two spiders, trapped under glasses, out of the window.  And the day before that a different friend saved the day.  But this time I didn’t think I could be rescued.  In order to make things more, um, bearable, I named the spider Maurice.  Why Maurice?  I have no idea.  It just seemed like a nice friendly name for a scary black-legged-big-bodied BEAST.  So as I tried to get a piece of paper under the glass I chatted to ‘Maurice’.  "I’m sorry Maurice, you’re just going to have to go.  I hope you understand.  You can’t live here It’s nothing personal, I just, well, if I’m brutally honest, I just don’t like you.  I know I don’t actually know you and have judged you on appearances but, well, I just don’t like you.  It’s just how it goes…. sorry”.  And so on and so forth, one can imagine I’m sure.  It was all going swimmingly.  I managed to get the paper under the glass.  And the cardboard under the paper under the glass.  And another piece of cardboard under the piece of cardboard under the piece of paper under the glass.  And it was good and I declared “Phew!  Now that wasn’t so bad was it Maurice?”. 

But then I made the mistake of realising that putting a giant black spider on a piece of bright white paper wasn’t exactly the clever thing to do.  Although, in fact, looking at it was quite possibly the most stupid thing to have done.  But I thought I was such a brave hero I could handle having a quick peek.  BUT NO.  So the short walk out of the flat and to the furthest flowerbed involved chanting “I can do this, it’s ok, I can do this, I can, I can, don’t look, oh God, I can, oh God, don’t look don’t look” whilst deep breathing ala giving-birth stylie.  Had anyone of looked out of their window at that point and seen me I think they’d have thought me in labour.

Still, it’s gone.  Somewhere.  And I’ve seen heaps of smaller spiders since which doesn’t bode well because they’re the sort that grow BIG and SCARY.  I wish my woodlice would drive them away.  Now that would solve the whole problem.

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With the alarming news of Mexican flu, today was not the day to suddenly develop a face-filling cold.  And it was sudden too – I got in the van to drive dad to Plymouth with only a mild sniffle.  By the time we’d got there (which was a feat in itself – I only nearly hit one wall which is an improvement on the last attempt at driving where I went into reverse at a roundabout…) and eaten a breakfast I couldn’t keep my eyes open for soreness, wanted to stuff tissues up my nostrils and generally longed lie down under a duvet.  Now we all know that I’m the dramatic sort and so it won’t surprise you to find that I spent five minutes indulging the idea that someone from Mexico had gotten on my flight on Friday and had infected us all…

An interesting discussion answering “Why is snot green”:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/notesandqueries/query/0,,-8250,00.html

Happy Easter!  It wasn’t so happy for my neighbour downstairs though.  I was up about about 5.20am and out of the flat an hour later.  Only I forgot that other people would have still been asleep.  (I mean, I was up the entire night on Friday doing my assignment last minute – was due to be posted by midday Saturday…oops! - and was quite surprised who was up in the building at gone 5am)  I got downstairs this morning only to come face-to-face with the neighbour that lives under my kitchen.  Well, not literally under my kitchen (she’d have to be very flat to be living there) but her tiny studio flat is directly below my kitchen.  (Cast your mind back to the entry several years back when I had the water leak that came through her light fittings.  THAT neighbour).  Anyways, her flat has a door directly onto the car park and there she was, standing, glaring at my dad and step-mum who were sitting in a silent car.  She had a right grumble to me and I left.  Only I felt terrible all day that I woke her up and the fact I sort of shrugged in a “I’m not too bothered, I’m hardly here anyway, gotta go” way probably peed her off even more than actually being woken up.  Well that would have miffed me more anyways.  So I just put a card through her door tonight apologising and promising to be more mindful of my neighbours if I ever see that ridiculous time of the morning ever again.

We went down to Porthcurno today to the telegraph museum.  Don’t laugh ok?  I really wanted to go there.  And it was jolly fascinating.  There were 14 underwater telegraph cables starting/terminating there in the end.  Ok so you’re probably yawning now so I’ll not rave any further.  But I will say that one of the highlights of the day was discovering that in their education area they had a dressing-up corner… and, since there were no other visitors at opening time I simply HAD to try on an outfit…. Hahaha!!!  And then, of course, a hardhat was soon to follow…. You can’t beat a bit of hardhat sure.  Very fetching indeed (I was going to put a photo of said hardhat here but decided the Victorian dress out-trumped it).

We went a bit further round the coast and ended up at Lands End.  I’ve never been there before and the landscape is utterly stunning.  Had to have a photo outside the First and Last Refreshment House In England of course….  But, to be fair, it wasn’t.  It was shut!!!  We traipsed all the way there for a nice cup of tea and it was shut – it wasn’t even occupied!  Grr to shut First and Last Refreshment Houses in England.  But one must ‘Hurrah’ for today was the first day of the year that my flipflops came out of the cupboard.  It was lovely mooching around in the sun.  The only downside was that I did see lots of couples smooching on benches and it make me feel utterly single.  I did catch myself pouting and muttering to myself “I want to snog on a bench with the love of my life grumble grumble” but I found the craft hut and busied myself in there fast before I considered what a tragic spinster I am becoming!  Haha!

But now my phone is doing very strange things.  It suddenly decided that it’s in GMT+2.  So it’s an hour fast – and if I go to change it the phone doesn’t like it because it turns off the automatic network updates.  Er, I’d say that the network is pretty wrong if it thinks I’m in France.  I wonder if anyone else is having trouble with Orange.  I’m getting text messages hours/days late.  NOT happy.

Right.  It’s Sunday evening and the fantastic “ooo don’t have to get up for work tomorrow!” feeling has arrived so I’m off to celebrate with a nice glass of red and some Wensleydale and Cranberry cheese.  Yum.  Happy Easter!  

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Ok I’m spooked.  I’m just sat in bed watching something on five.tv and suddenly my shower starts to run.  Not just a drip, or a trickle, but a full on flow… for quite a time.  It’s been turned off for a good 12 hours so wouldn’t any excess water already have flowed out by now?  Or perhaps it’s a ghost…… woooooooooooo <in ghostie wooing stylie>.  Although I’m easily scared.  I swear there was someone down the side of the flat on Thursday night.  Again, I was in bed, when the security light came on.  That’s unusual as the side of the building is a pain to get to so someone would have to have been up to no good.  (All it is is a pathway down the side of the building, blocked by a gate, nothing else to see…. just windows to peer through).  So I ended up stalking around the flat with a torch in one hand and my phone in the other wondering what to do, hearing the crunch of the gravel path.  I was too much of a wimp to open the blinds in case there had of been someone there peering right back at me.  In the end I just paced around declaring “oooo what do I do?” to the darkness until the crunching noises went away.  What a total wuss.  What should I have done though?  Gone out and confronted them in my stripy PJs, dressing gown and slippers armed with the nearest weapon-like item (a pair of hair straighteners)?  Hardly.  There’s not a lot you can do with cold straighteners to be honest.  

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I had a pet woodlouse for a short while.  Well he wasn’t really a pet.  And, in fact, was he a he?  How does one identify the sex of a woodlouse?  Anyhow, I kept seeing this woodlouse mooching around my living room.  He seemed happy enough sure.  Then one day I saw him having a rest.  The next day he was still resting… on further investigation it was clear the poor blighter was dead.  The question this brings to my mind, however, is why did he die?  I mean, he was walking along nicely, nearly at the patio door… and then, what, did he think “oh I’ll just have a wee rest here…” and then that was it?  He just never woke up?  It wasn’t like he was in the standard on-back-legs-pointed-up dead pose as adopted by so many creatures.  Ah well.  RIP Woodlouse.  

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I never really thought that people helped old ladies across the road in the real world.  But they do.  I can now wear the badge “I helped an old lady across the road”.  Well there were three of us there really so I can’t take all the credit.  It it was nice to be asked to help someone.  The thing is, though, that after something like that you’re supposed to feel great and say “that was my good deed for the day”.  But I actually feel really really guilty.  After we crossed the road we left her to it.  Obviously I didn’t just unhook her arm and do a dash for it, I asked if she was alright first etc.  But she was only going up the road - really we should have seen her to her door. I feel terribly guilty.  To be fair we did turn round further along the road to look to make sure she’d turned the corner into her road and that she wasn’t in a heap on the floor in the ‘old-lady-broken-hip’ pose that so many OAPs adopt past a certain age.  But, really, we should have walked her home.

Note to self: see old lady home if happens again.

p.s. have written entry in blue to salute all those of the blue-rinse brigade (old lady crossing the road had had her hair done)

I've forgotten to share some things! 

First things first - I passed my driving test!  I thought I'd failed before I'd even left the test centre... I think that helped because the rest of the test I thought "ah well, I've stuffed up there but I've already failed so never mind".  And I passed!  With six minors.  VERY pleased - even now, a month later!!!

Second important thing - I passed that hideous math exam.  Scored a 79% which stunned the hell out of me seeing as I thought I'd done terribly.  I was 6 marks off a distinction!  So overall I got a Grade 2 Pass on the course.  Hoorah!  Obviously a distinction would have been WAY better but considering I thought I'd done seriously badly I can't be too disappointed.  I'll just revise harder on my next course is all...

I think that's it on the important-things-I-forgot-to-tell you front. 

I've just had the most hideous food poisoning.  I am never EVER reheating left-over curry again.  In fact, I'm not going to even touch curry ever again.  I was up all of Sunday night and, I'm telling you, having curried lamb and spinach coming out of your nostrils just isn't pleasant at all.  Nope, that's curry off my list of foodstuffs.  In fact, I've kind of gone off meat full stop.  Though to be fair it was probably the rice that did it.  But, nope, I think it's a vege diet for me for a while.  Even the idea of meat makes my stomach turn.  I was still really ill yesterday but flew back to Belfast regardless.  Have you ever sat on a plane and someone farted?  And there's no where for that smell to go?  It's just the fart and the people all contained in this metal tube?  Well yesterday afternoon on Flybe flight BE494 there could have been a serious methane explosion.  Luckily I'd stopped being sick by the time boarding started but if it had been silent on the plane you'd have heard all sorts of gurglings and rumblings going on in my intestines.  It was like there was a party going on or something.  I sat for the entire flight trying not to drop one.  Because it would have been a killer.  The door to the flight deck had a gap at the top and it would have seeped through and put the pilots out cold.  I'm not kidding you.  And it'd have put out all the other people on the plane too and with someone being immune to their own stinkers, landing the plane would have been down to me!  It'd have been like something from a movie.  Only I'd have been arrested on landing for performing a biological attack.  So, to that end, I am never EVER eating meat, or reheated rice, ever EVER again.

Is anyone else fed up with the election coverage from the USA?  Well I certainly am.  Honestly, we're told more about the candidates from afar than we are those we're asked to decide on when it comes to our local elections.  It's mad really.  I don't know about you but whenever it comes to local election time it's almost impossible to pick who to vote for.  Who are any of the people?  I often think "that person has a nice name, they'll do".  Not quite how it's supposed to be done.... sometimes it comes down to who bothered to post any leaflets promoting themselves.  And if two people bothered, it's a decision as to which literature is less attacking of the other (because attack as a form of defence is dreadfully transparent).  And if if they display the same level of scorn, then I look at the candidate's photo and decide who looks nicer.

Noon today the plane from Exeter landed at Belfast City only marginally late.  I watched from the lounge as they loaded our luggage, refuelled, restocked the teabag department etc etc.  Then our flight time came and went.  A man came on the tannoy "....your plane has just landed and we are awaiting the ground staff to authorise boarding...".  Erm well that was a lie, it'd landed half hour earlier.  So then someone wandered under the plane, put up a step ladder and disappeared into the tail.  Erm..  Well that isn't normal.  So when the lounge lady came to pick up a dirty cup I asked what was happening.  She rang down....  "it's just routine maintenance" she said.  Hm.  Then they got another stepladder and had a good nosy at one of the propellers.  As we were called to board the ladder was still under the plane.  I wasn't feeling hugely confident and did consider leaving the airport.... When I got to the gate they'd diverted to another plane and that was that.  Phew.  (Picture: view from 2C today, marvellous stuff)